The shadow proves the sunshine

I love weather.

I don't know it works. I'm not eveng oing to try and be an expert on meteorology, because no doubt there'll be someone there to correct me. Which is fair. Educate the uneducated.

But there's something about the sun that just brings out the smile and happiness in people. Vitamin D withdrawals turn to overdosing in fear that there won't be another chance for a 'kick' soon.

I had both my withdrawals and my shot this week.

You may have read my previous post - you may have not, and that's cool. No hate here. It was a particularly raw post - probably the rawest piece I'll write this year. Because let's be honest - one doesn't have just one bad moment in their life, no?

But the post has become a blessing.

I'm a big fan of Switchfoot. For those not in the know, they're a Christian rock band. They aren't out to convert you, they're not out there to say GOD IS THE ONLY WAY - they're very subtle and that's what I like about them.

One particular favourite of mine is the title of the post - The shadows prove the sunshine. I don't even know if that's the correct title - the s belongs to either shadow, prove or sunshine - but it's true.

In all of my melancholy and dark grey, there was a light. Sometimes our lives are dark grey clouds. Our dull moments. Moments where we are in a far away land.

But it's temporary. The westerly winds blow the dark cloud again, and the sun is allowed to shine freely again.

I encourage you all to help someone out who has a raincloud or dull grey cloud approaching them. Do think of them, and ask what you can do to help. Everyone goes through them, but everyone can get through them with some help and encouragement.

It happened to me, I received that support, and now I'm back :) Thank you to all those that did, have and continue to think about me. You are all very precious.

Do let me know when I can return the favour.

:)

MW
-TJI

greetings from a far away land.

NOTE: Those preparing for an optimistic piece of journalism will have to wait for a while.


I write this in a mentally vulnerable state, please forgive me, as I trust you with what I find the most powerful tool ever: my words.

I am tired. Exhausted. Fatigued. Raw. It's not a good feeling. It's a grey area.

A dark grey.

Over the last 4 nights I've totalled around 11 hours of sleep. Most of the time it's to do with absolute nothingness. It's my fault. Easily.

As the days grew on, the numbers slowly adding to the sleep count, my thoughts and perspectives become more dark. It's a scary place - not sure how to describe it other than shutting your eyes, and listening to 'We Never Change' by Coldplay. That's what I'm doing.

I know this won't take long. Change is on the way. Greater things are on the horizon. There is land ahead, but until then I shall continue to sail in dangerous water. Until then, I'll be driving through the tunnel waiting for the light.

Throughout the last two weeks I've been more stressed than ever before. I have never really managed stress properly, and I'm learning about that as a result. Silver lining of an otherwise dull grey cloud.

This is some pretty disturbing reading I must admit, I never thought in my lifetime that I would experience this, let alone share it with hundreds of millions of people. But there's a reason.

Like the song I wrote, J'attends (I'm Waiting), I'm waiting for that moment for a turn for the better. I'm sitting and watching as the sky goes from a light blue to a dull grey.

All of this has taught me an important lesson, however.

To me, it's the little things that count.

Today I came home from work, I work at a suit outlet shop in central Auckland, battered, bruised, mentally 0. And then I stood on an envelope as I opened my room. A personalised letter, a concerned friend wanting to make sure I was ok.

I almost broke down in tears. In fact, I still almost break down now just thinking of it.

That, more than anything, gives me hope.

I love it when people care. When people genuinely want to know how I am feeling, and if I trust them with my situation, don't change their perceptions. I love it when people include me. I love it when people give me attention. I love that I can openly say this. I love that you're still reading!

So, to my friends, thank you. Thank you for being there. Know that you are all very much appreciated as I go through what can only be described as a series of crap events. Some might put it down to the lack of sleep, and if you do, well, we're clearly not good enough friends yet.

:)

"I wanna fly,
And never come down,
And live my life,
And have friends around."

(We Never Change - Coldplay)

Whangarei - The biggest test yet.

It wasn't long ago that I thought the only creditable thing that came out of Whangarei was the Northland NPC team, the Taniwhas.

That team that never really did well, but you always supported because whenever they upset a 'good' team (Auckland - this is you) then you felt that their support was worth it.

Well, I'll be honest, those days are still here for me.

But not for long.

Tomorrow morning I embark on the biggest mission on my journalism path to date: Five days at a newspaper I've never read, in a city I've been to once at night (for a 21st) with a bunch of people who I met at the start of the year.

To put it bluntly, this will be the biggest test of my life as a journalist. Actual deadlines, real journalists, a legitimate newsroom, and probable criticism from the public.

But that's what drives you, right?

My mate Sam has a tattoo on his arm that says 'Sweeter through struggles" (or something like that - sorry Samo!)

But that's the whole deal - strength through adversity - what doesn't kill you make you stronger - you get the drill!

So on the way up to Whangarei, I'll be readying myself for my biggest test to date - one of the bigger tests of the year - life in the newsroom. I'm going up, admittedly, with a great group of people who I'm sure I will get to know and appreciate from day one :)

What'd you learn today, Matiu?

Today I learnt that I have people that read this blog :) It's a strange feeling knowing that people are genuinely interested in what you write - and I guess as a journalist I will be coming to appreciate that in the long term. But for now, it's cool :)


I'm also, as some of you know, an interested songwriter. I'm currently working on my third song at the moment, but won't reveal any more than that :)

Until next time, that was your news for tonight.

Tune in next time on TJI.