It’s always tough writing about yourself. Rationale and reason almost seem to go out the window when it comes to self-expression. At least in my writing it does.
Instead the ink used is emotion, and I the humble pen writing another chapter in the book of life.
Emotion has been described as a good thing. A necessary feeling needed to perfectly encapsulate one’s thoughts, one’s hopes, one’s dreams for the future. One’s identity.
But often this isn’t the case. I’ve written in the past about music and its two-sided nature. At times it can be just what you need to be inspired, motivated or even uplifted. Your saving grace.
But at times it can also pierce you. A haunting melody or a howling cacophony of notes moulded together to bring out fermented emotions often banished to cold, dark places.
Where has this train of thought arrived from?
I’ve been doing a lot of personal reflection over the last day as I prepare for arguably the biggest year ever. Walks, runs, they’re all ways I’ve learnt to seek calm and solace amidst an often hectic and frenzied time doing shift work.
Understandably, one doesn’t like to run or walk without something to listen to. The sounds of cars become too much of a reminder of the high-paced life in Auckland. Even when contrasted against the sounds of chirping birds, it all becomes a bit too much of an oxymoron for me to soak into the deeper things in life.
I’ve often struggled with music choices. Songs that sound epic and uplifting throughout the day transform at night to be ones questioning myself, my inner decisions. This isn’t a new thing, but an old habit. I clearly need more music variety.
But then, I found it. A symphonic saviour that comes from the soundtrack to a film I’d seen recently, The Theory of Everything.
The movie, for those who haven’t heard of it, had it all - love, sympathy, intelligence, tragedy and perseverance. It was a movie that did, however, left me feeling sorry for Stephen Hawking for the life he’s continued to lead, one spoken through a computer voice completely foreign to his own accent.
But then there was the music, and one song in particular. A two-and-a-half minute orchestral tune called Forces of Attraction. It’s one I heard in the movie and it was a tune I fell for instantly. I had to download it.
That song has been on high rotation on my iPad for the last 24-or-so hours. It seems like a weird choice, given the song stems from a movie that features the slow disintegration of Hawking and his marriage. But it’s a song that has hope in it, a hope for everyone that there really is your special one out there.
But that isn’t what it is for me. For me, Forces of Attraction looks like the formation of one harmonic entity from two beings. I don’t even know what it looks like, but it’s beautiful and inspiring.
What of this, then, this infatuation with one song?
It’s fuel, I think. Those underlying notes of hope, of determination, perseverance – they all power me on.
That’s not to say they’re artificial editions, goodness no, but they tug at those very elements that I think are core to who I am.
At night, all I can do is reflect. It’s a force of habit. With Forces of Attraction, I’m able to think positively of the future, to think beyond the immediate and focus on the long-term. What my goals are. What my hopes are. What will drive me in 2015.
There are so many things to learn and discover in this world and so often we reflect only on what we know instead of reflecting on the future. An oxymoron it may sound, but when you think about it, reflecting on the future and things we don’t know are healthy. These are the things that stir our minds, that drive us and our quest for knowledge.
So, undoubtedly, that’s what I will be tonight, walking through the breezy streets of Sandringham and Mt Roskill thinking not of what I know, but what I want to learn. It can be about me, it can be about a number of things. All I know it’s time to reflect.
Thankfully for me, Forces of Attraction is here to join in. Here's hoping you don't mind the ride.
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